Marriage Is Harder Than 13 Colonies—Here’s How to Make It Last

What do the Founding Fathers have to do with your marriage? More than you might think.

In this episode of The Voyage Cast, Eddie Eccker takes wisdom from Madison, Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Franklin, and Hamilton—and shows how their words about duty, ambition, and friendship speak directly into modern relationships.

Marriage isn’t about two perfect people. It’s about two imperfect humans drafting their own constitution: a set of principles that keep love steady when emotions run high, resentment threatens, or ambition collides.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

✔️ Washington on why duty is the soil where joy grows

✔️ Adams & Jefferson on why lasting love is rooted in friendship

✔️ Franklin on discernment, grace, and repair

✔️ Hamilton on resentment as a cruel master if you avoid hard conversations

✔️ Madison on aligning ambitions instead of letting them clash

✔️ Practical tools backed by research: gratitude rituals, money dates, phone-free zones, and repair strategies

Nations rise on principles, not personalities—and so do marriages.

👉 If this conversation resonates, share it with someone you care about, leave a 5-star review, and subscribe to The Voyage Cast for more help beyond the office, for the days when life demands more than a session.

Transcript

Hey, this is Eddie with The Voyage Cast, bringing you help beyond the office for the days when you need just a little bit more than a session.

The other day I came across a quote by James Madison. He was the fourth president of the United States, one of the architects of the Constitution, and helped write The Federalist Papers. He had a quote—at least the one I found—that said, “If men were angels, no government would be necessary.”

This really stuck with me, not because I was thinking about government, but because I was thinking about marriage—as I often do since I’m a marriage therapist. That quote sent me down a rabbit hole: what would it look like if we borrowed the wisdom of the Founding Fathers and applied it to relationships?

Just as they were trying to draft a constitution strong enough to hold thirteen fragile colonies together, what if we drafted one strong enough to hold two fragile humans together? Because let’s be honest—marriage is hard. Maybe even harder than holding thirteen colonies together.

The more I thought about Madison’s words, the more I realized relationships need guardrails. I tell clients all the time: there are just things that work and things that don’t. And the things that work need to be protected. Why? Because we’re not angels. We wound each other. We get selfish. We forget that love needs more than just feelings—it needs principles that can hold when emotions don’t work, or when emotions get out of line.

George Washington would have understood this. He once said, “Human happiness and moral duty are inseparably connected.” In other words, joy isn’t the opposite of responsibility—it’s born from it.

In marriage, that shows up in the ordinary stuff: picking up the kids, cooking dinners, staying at the table for the hard conversations. Duty sounds boring—and it often is—but it’s the soil where joy grows. Couples who thrive don’t run from responsibility, they ritualize it. Friday night date nights. A shared morning walk. Those little commitments become the backbone of the relationship. They build trust and attachment, the kind of things you can rely on.

Then there’s John Adams. He called friendship one of the distinguishing glories of man. Which is another way of saying: marriages that last aren’t built on passion alone, but on friendship. You need someone who knows your jokes, who celebrates your good news, who’s genuinely glad to see you at the end of the day.

Modern research backs this up. Psychologists call it “active constructive responding.” When your partner shares something good, respond with enthusiasm. Show you’re glad for them. That small practice keeps friendship alive.

Thomas Jefferson put it this way: “Friendship is precious not only in the shade, but also in the sunshine.” That one hits home. Because it’s easy for couples to rally during crisis—loss, illness, job stress. I see this with clients all the time. They often do pretty well during storms. But what about when the sun is shining, when things are calm?

That’s where many marriages quietly drift. They coast. And drifting leads to boredom, bitterness, and distance. Jefferson reminds us: don’t just survive the storms—invest in the calm. Try new things. Keep learning together. Add a little novelty. Love doesn’t only need shade; it needs sunshine to grow.

Benjamin Franklin—always good for wit and wisdom—once said, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” Translation? Be discerning before you commit. But once you’re in, practice grace. Not every frustration deserves a full-blown trial. Couples who last aren’t the ones who never fight, but the ones who repair quickly and often.

And then there’s Hamilton. Of course, he cranked up the drama. He warned, “A nation which prefers disgrace to danger is prepared for a master.” Harsh words. But here’s the marriage translation: if you avoid hard conversations, resentment becomes your master. And resentment is a cruel one.

Couples who thrive choose courage over comfort. They carve out time each week to sit down, check in, and say the things that need to be said. Not with blame, but with honesty: “I feel this way about that thing, and here’s what I need.” When we put things on the table, they can be discussed.

Madison comes back in with one more gem: “Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.” He meant political power, but it applies to marriage too. Both partners have dreams and drives. If you don’t talk about them, they’ll clash. But if you name them, they can align.

One of the most powerful practices I’ve seen couples use is asking, “What’s your personal goal right now? What’s our shared goal?” And then committing to help each other chase both. Ambition doesn’t have to be a competition—it can be collaboration.

The Founders gave us the philosophy, but modern research gives us practical tools:

• A nightly six-second gratitude exchange
• Making invisible labor visible by mapping household tasks and redistributing them fairly
• Protecting sleep and setting aside phone-free zones
• Refusing to fight after 10 p.m.
• Having monthly “money dates” so finances don’t turn into a cold war
• Even holding hands at the start of a tough conversation to calm your nervous system

And maybe most importantly: seeking help before everything is burning down. Don’t wait until contempt calcifies. Reach out when you first smell the smoke.

Here’s where it all lands for me: the Founders weren’t perfect. They were flawed, irritable, selfish at times. Their genius wasn’t in perfection—it was in drafting principles strong enough to guide imperfect people.

Marriage is the same. Not two angels floating through life, but two humans—two imperfect people—drafting their own constitution. A set of commitments:

• We will respect even when we disagree.
• We will balance independence and intimacy.
• We will repair before resentment takes root.
• We will face hard conversations with courage.

Nations rise on principles, not personalities. And so do marriages.

This is Eddie, host of The Voyage Cast, bringing you another episode and help beyond the office for the days when you just need a little more. If this resonated, share it with a friend, leave us five stars, and subscribe. It helps the algorithm overlords know this content matters and that others might benefit from it.

Thanks so much for listening. We’ll see you soon.