Me, Myself, and Decline: When Self-Focus Sabotages Connection

Independence is a virtue—until it turns into emotional isolation. In this episode of The Voyage Cast, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Eddie Eccker explores what happens when self-focus, over-functioning, and “I’ll do it myself” mindsets quietly erode connection. You’ll learn how hyper-independence affects intimacy, why emotional decline often masquerades as strength, and how to rebuild connection without giving up your sense of self. It’s a real look at what we call “strength” in culture—and how it might actually be keeping us from love.

Recommended Reading: 

• The Two Parent Privilege 
• The End of Sex
• Grateful
• Me, Myself, and Decline - The Original Article for this episode

Transcript

Over the past 60 years, Western society has experienced a wild moral and social revolution, leading to what can only be described as a culture in crisis, an unraveling of family and community. While its roots may stretch back even further, this period marks a significant starting point for understanding the transformation. There’s been a shift from family-centered, "we first" ideals to a "me first" society that glorifies personal autonomy, emotional fulfillment, and detachment from traditions. On the surface, it sounds freeing—but are these cultural shifts costing us much more than we realize?

The numbers tell part of the story. Increasing divorce rates, plummeting birth rates, and the decline of marriage as a trusted institution indicate that the rise of radical individualism isn’t an isolated phenomenon—it’s reshaping how entire generations approach relationships, commitment, and, ultimately, community.

Ask yourself, are we truly better off? Or are we selling our birthright of connection & meaning for fleeting individual gratification?

The Data Speaks: Decline of Family and Commitment

Marriage Rates Plummet, and the modern age resembles a reclusive animal—barely seen and diminishing in number. Only 50% of U.S. adults are married today compared to 72% in 1960, according to a 2025 Pew Research analysis. Marriage, once considered the foundation of stability and societal growth, now seems outdated to some and unnecessary to others.

The reasons? A cultural obsession with independence, fear of future financial instability, and distrust in the permanence of relationships have led many to either delay marriage or abandon it entirely.

The Birth Rate Free Fall

The U.S. fertility rate has plummeted to 1.64 births per woman, well below the replacement rate of 2.1, reflecting similar trends across other Western nations (CDC, 2023). This isn’t just a number—it’s a warning. Declining birth rates aren’t simply about population; they point to a waning belief in family as a core value and purpose.

Entitlement as a Byproduct of Radical Individualism

Another significant consequence of radical individualism is the growing sense of entitlement that has become increasingly evident across generations. This entitlement stems from a cultural emphasis on personal rights, desires, and fulfillment, often overshadowing collaboration, family responsibility, and the needs of others. While valuing self-worth and individuality is vital for a healthy society, the excessive focus on "what I deserve" rather than "what I can contribute" has created widespread imbalances.

This mindset is particularly apparent in relationships, where individuals may expect perfection or instant gratification from their partners while avoiding the effort, compromise, and accountability that are essential in fostering a healthy partnership. Unrealistic expectations in marriage or cohabitation frequently lead to dissatisfaction when reality fails to meet these idealized notions. Research highlights this connection, as reflected in the study “Changes in Expectations to Marry and to Divorce Across the Transition to Adulthood”, which shows how evolving expectations during emerging adulthood significantly impact marital satisfaction. Unmet or overly optimistic beliefs often result in dissatisfaction and increase the likelihood of divorce. Similarly, “The Early Marital Roots of Conjugal Distress and Divorce” underscores how disillusionment stemming from unmet expectations in the early stages of marriage can set the stage for long-term dissatisfaction and separation. These findings reveal that such challenges often originate at the very beginning of relationships.

The effects of entitlement extend beyond personal relationships, influencing workplaces and broader societal dynamics. Poor management practices erode workplace stability, weakening the sense of community and collective purpose. When leaders fail to foster employee engagement and satisfaction, turnover rates skyrocket, disrupting team cohesion and productivity. Gallup's article, "42% of Employee Turnover Is Preventable but Often Ignored," highlights that nearly half of all voluntary turnover could be avoided with proactive measures like better communication, recognition, and support. Neglecting these needs results in costly turnover and workplaces rife with frustration and disengagement. This unhealthy cycle not only compromises productivity but also fuels a broader culture of disconnection and a decline in civic responsibility.

The Familial Fallout of Entitlement

Within families, entitlement contributes to generational divides. Younger individuals raised in environments where "happiness" is regarded as a primary goal often carry forward behaviors where discomfort or effort are rejected to preserve personal satisfaction. While prioritizing mental health and well-being is important, its conflation with entitlement leads to distorted expectations about parenting, relationships, and even adulthood responsibilities.

For instance, the expectation that parenting must be endlessly fulfilling has led many to delay or forgo starting families entirely. Likewise, a culture where fathers are devalued or perceived as unnecessary adds to this troubling narrative, compounding the challenges of single motherhood and fragmented familial structures discussed earlier in this article.

But how does this entitlement impact children? When caregiving is perceived through the lens of entitlement rather than responsibility, children may grow up without stable examples of commitment and selflessness. They witness a world in which pursuits of personal satisfaction, rather than collective effort, dominate decision-making. As a result, this reflects as a cycle of disengagement, apathy, and loneliness, impacting family dynamics and extending further.

How Can We Counter This Cultural Shift?

To address the growing sense of entitlement, society must redefine the balance between individual rights and its collective responsibilities. Here’s how we can begin:

• Teaching Contribution, Not Just Consumption: Parenting, education systems, and workplaces must model the importance of contributing to family, society, and partnerships instead of focusing on individual gain. Opportunities for civic engagement and community service help instill these values from a young age.
• Fostering Gratitude: The article "How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain" from the Greater Good Science Center provides evidence on how gratitude practices improve mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. It discusses the psychological benefits of gratitude, including its ability to reduce toxic emotions and foster positive mental health over time.
• Reviving Shared Sacrifices in Relationships: Encouraging a generational focus on compromise and realistic expectations within relationships can foster deeper commitment and satisfaction. Programs supporting premarital counseling and shared parental responsibilities could help shift attitudes toward partnerships.

By countering entitlement and its associated attitudes, we can start reversing the trends of relational dissatisfaction and societal disconnect. Restoring a culture that emphasizes mutual care, accountability, and purpose over fleeting self-gratification is one step toward mending the increasing fractures within communities and families.

The Sexual Revolution’s Consequences for Women and Stability

The sexual revolution promised liberation from the boundaries of traditional morality, marriage, and the family unit. But for many, especially women, its consequences were far more complicated.

1. Relationship Instability and the Rise of Hookup Culture
2. Gone are the days of traditional courtship. Hookup culture has ushered in an era where physical intimacy is often treated as a commodity, stripped of emotional connection or long-term intentions.
3. While it’s marketed as “empowerment,” the reality of hookup culture tells a different story. According to Donna Freitas in The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy, casual sex often leaves individuals feeling disconnected, emotionally hollow, and struggling with an identity marked by dissatisfaction. Freitas highlights that instead of fostering empowerment or liberation, this culture frequently promotes a cycle of loneliness, regret, and unfulfilling experiences. It undermines genuine intimacy by prioritizing fleeting physical encounters over meaningful emotional connections. For many, particularly women, this results in lower self-esteem, heightened anxiety, and a sense of disillusionment with modern relationships. Rather than breaking societal constraints, hookup culture often replaces them with a new set of emotional burdens that many are left to carry alone.
4. Normalization of Uncommitted Fatherhood and Single Motherhood
5. "Think about the rise in single-mother households—now responsible for nearly 40% of U.S. births (National Vital Statistics Reports, 2022). While many single mothers are tremendous providers, research shows that children raised in single-parent homes are more likely to face emotional and behavioral challenges compared to those in two-parent households (Pew Research Center, 2015)."
   1. What happened to fathers? With the decline of commitment in relationships, fatherhood has become too often an optional role—putting disproportionate pressure on mothers and leaving children without essential role models.
6. Cultural Normalization of Exploitation
7. The widespread accessibility of pornography has redefined intimacy, setting harmful expectations about relationships. Studies published in the Journal of Sex Research (2023) found that frequent pornography viewers often experience poorer relationship satisfaction, turn toward infidelity, and struggle to connect intimately without stimuli.
   1. Society wanted freedom but sacrificed meaning. Is our short-term pleasure worth the cost of long-term damage?

Attachment Theory and the Erosion of Secure Bonds

From a psychological lens, attachment theory teaches us that our ability to form secure relationships begins with early bonds—bonds that occur most reliably in secure families.

Secure Attachment and Its Benefits

Look at the research on children raised in two-parent households. The Harvard Center on the Developing Child (2022) found that these children thrive with stable attachment, leading to greater emotional health, resilience, and long-term success.

Fragmented Families = Fragile Futures

However, fragmented families and unstable structures increase the likelihood of insecure attachment styles—anxious or avoidant relationships that carry into adulthood. Such patterns lead to higher depression, anxiety and lower relationship satisfaction, as shown in studies by the American Psychological Association (Allen, 2023). When foundational connections crumble, emotional growth is handicapped.

What Does This Mean for the Next Generation?

Unless we choose a new path, the future will likely see empty nurseries, fractured households, and individuals grappling with a deep sense of purposelessness.

• Loneliness Is Rising: Gen Z reports feeling lonelier than any previous generation, often citing limited meaningful connections due to a societal focus on independence over interdependence (Cigna Loneliness Index, 2023).
• Aging Populations: Declining birth rates translate into fewer workers and strained welfare systems as aging populations outnumber the young (World Bank Blog on Europe and Central Asia's Aging Crisis, 2024; World Bank Blog on Health Systems for Aging Populations, 2023).
• Loss of Meaning: The rise of nihilism, coupled with the decline of community, faith, and shared purpose, has left society grappling with profound questions that lack clear or systemic solutions.

Can We Fix It?

Is there hope? Absolutely—but it’ll require stepping outside the “me first” narrative and returning to the foundational principles that sustain not just relationships but entire civilizations.

1. Value Long-Term Relationships Over Fleeting Gratifications
2. We must promote emotional bonding, secure attachments, and the importance of building something larger than ourselves within romantic partnerships. Society thrives when its individuals feel anchored.
3. Support Family Stability
4. Societies with family-friendly policies—like housing benefits, maternal leave, affordable childcare, and marriage incentives—experience stronger family units and higher birth rates (NIH, 2023).
5. Prioritize Generational Impact
6. We need to redefine success, focusing not on individual gain but on legacy. What we plant today will sustain those who come after us—or starve them.

The Cost of a Self-First Society

Radical individualism sought personal freedom, but at what societal price? Our generation’s longing for connection is louder than our demand for independence. Without a course correction, future generations may inherit societal wealth but suffer profound poverty in community, commitment, and purpose.

No one’s asking us to surrender personal liberties. Still, if we’re too obsessed with what we gain individually, we’ll lose what should be built collectively.

Are you ready to rebuild what matters most? Because the foundation starts here, with us.