Girls Ask Guys: Q&A - Helping Navigate Modern Relationships to Improve Dating

Join us for an engaging episode of the Voyage Cast, where hosts Brianna Crowell, Matt Johnson, and Ed delve into the complexities of Dating. In "Girls Ask Guys: Q&A - Helping Navigate Modern Relationships to Improve Dating " we explore how to balance time management and meaningful connections, the implications of being "too busy," and the importance of healthy boundaries. We tackle real-life relationship questions from the "Girls Ask Guys" website and discuss the implications of revenge with personal photos in relationships. Tune in for an episode filled with insights, wisdom, and humor as we navigate modern love and the pursuit of authentic connections.

Transcript

00:02 - Eddie (Host)
Hey, welcome to the Voyage Cast. We've got another great episode. We're going to be answering some questions from the website Girls Ask Guys and we have our host, brianna Kroll, we've got Matt Johnson and, of course, myself, ed. The first question I have for us today is how does being quote too busy affect dating or being in a relationship? 

00:22
It goes on stating I've heard too often that people are too busy to be dating or to be in a relationship. I'm going to say my definition of dating, which is when people are going out and getting to know someone who may be a potential partner, but they're not in a relationship. A lot of people are busy and there are people who have full-time jobs and kids to raise and they're maintaining their marriages, not just relationships or dating. That seems weird that they would add that. What aspect of being busy affect any of these? I can't think. I think I can't understand this, because I would have been understanding and wouldn't be needy for attention all of the time if I were in a relationship with someone. Therefore, I have not understood how people think they need to be not busy to be dating or be in a relationship. I need to hear different perspectives. They also need proofread before they write these long drawn out questions. So how does being too busy affect dating or being in a relationship? What do you guys think? 

01:28 - Bre (Host)
Do you want? 

01:29 - Eddie (Host)
me to take it, or do you want to start? Yeah, go ahead, take it. 

01:31 - Bre (Host)
Bree Plain and simple. If you are not prioritizing time to date, then you shouldn't be in a relationship. But she shared something that I think brought her insecurity that if she's always available, is she being too needy. I think that's something that women live with that if we want to be in a relationship, we're too needy. So I don't think wanting to be a relationship is too needy. I think there's other behaviors that are too needy, but if you don't have the time for a relationship, they're not going to have a successful relationship. 

02:04 - Matt (Host)
Well, and I'll add to that, I think, if I recently read a stat that 56% of marriages fail right, and of those 56%, like the remaining 44%, how many of those are happy? How many of those are staying together for financial reasons, kids, all those things? So let's conservatively say, 20% of those relationships that are successful aren't thriving. Right Now we're looking at around a quarter of marriages that are actually thriving, and so I think that one of the reasons that they don't thrive is that they don't put the time necessary to make their relationship, the hierarchy, the most important thing. So I would say, whether you're dating, looking to date, or in a relationship or in a marriage, the time doesn't change. You have to prioritize what is important to you. 

02:58 - Eddie (Host)
Awesome, hey. So the next question. Matt, I want you to start with this one. It's a little funny. Me and my friend were harassing this guy and his girlfriend because he tried to cheat with me and she forgave him, Is emailing him my nudes too far, and this is all in the question. 

03:21 - Matt (Host)
That's a real question. Huh, that's a real question. 

03:24 - Eddie (Host)
Me and my friend were harassing this guy and his girlfriend because he tried to cheat with me and she forgave him. Is emailing him my nudes too far? Well? 

03:34 - Matt (Host)
I mean, my initial instinct is do you just pass out nudes to anybody who asks for them? I mean, I tend to mess with somebody. Don't give them something that they want. That's just kind of off the top of my head. You might want to find some new friends. That's who you're cultivating in your circle. I would definitely try to find some new friends. 

04:05 - Eddie (Host)
Or maybe new potential partners that aren't trying to cheat on their other partner with you, yeah. 

04:11 - Bre (Host)
I think that's very hypocritical, though. If she's going to go bash the man that's going to cheat, she's literally engaging in that information. So, yes, he's the one in the relationship, but that's pretty shitty of her to then knowingly send nudes to or want to mess with them. So that's really shitty. 

04:29 - Eddie (Host)
Yeah, absolutely All right. Hey, the next question I have for us is actually, it's just a simple question, but it's a fairly thoughtful one Is it true that men don't love the same that women do? It's not simple. Well, it's one question, but it's a complicated question, isn't it? It's a good question, it was concise. Is it true that men don't love the same that women do? That's how they phrase that question. 

04:57 - Matt (Host)
Um, I'll start off with a piece of it and then I'll hand it over to Bree. Uh, I do think that it's a lot easier for women to feel like they're falling in love or to fall in love than it is for men. But once, once men do fall in love, it's a little bit, um less uh shaky right, and I don't know if you believe with believe me on that one or not, but, like, once the man falls for the, for the woman, like, I think that that uh becomes a pretty intense um bond, you know, as long as they're healthily attached. And, um, bree, I'll, I'll let you either debunk that or take it where you want. 

05:41 - Bre (Host)
But first thing my brain went is what re like? Is that research back base, like she said? Is it true? Well, do you have any? Where's the research to show? Cause I don't know. I don't know if there's research I thought, matt, you might go into. Like the brain, like if there is um evidence to show that, like, men and women have different brains, the one thing I can talk about that is research based is, um the connecting hormone, oxytocin. So, uh, when we are in a relationship, when we have sex, um, you get, we all, men and women, get the surge of oxytocin, which is the connecting hormone, and research would show us that women produce more oxytocin than men. So in that way, we might feel more bonded um with a male partner if we're only having sex or if we do have sex. So that's the one thing I can say is we produce more oxytocin. 

06:34 - Eddie (Host)
Well, my, my quick two cents on that is that everybody experiences everything differently. Um, I mean, I, I experienced chocolate differently than my wife. Might I like it more than she does? Um, I imagine, even on a bigger scale, like love is going to be experienced differently. Um, to the point too, of even brain differences. Like women have more typically white matter in their brain, whereas men have more gray matter in their brain and emotionally they're going to experience life differently. 

07:07
Like I, I read that women, when they experience emotions, they can experience it all over their brain, whereas men, when we experience emotions, it's very compartmental. It's very compartmentalized even in our brain structure. So I would assume that we experience everything differently than than somebody else. I mean, in fact, men and women don't experience colors the same way. Women are able to perceive more shades of color than men do. So I don't know. The logic follows to me that it would just be natural that we experience love differently. I think maybe the the question I have for this person, uh, isfp, carmel Princess, my question would be is like, what do you mean by love? Um, because if it's just an emotion, then of course we experience it differently, but if, if love is a decision. Uh, I mean, there's so much behind you know, making that choice to love somebody, uh, whether it's our history or whatever, we got going on. So, um, any other thoughts? 

08:08 - Bre (Host)
No, I like it, but I think that's the research I was looking for. Is that? Yeah, like our brains are different. 

08:13 - Matt (Host)
You kind of back, you kind of back me up with some research. I love that. 

08:19 - Eddie (Host)
We got you back, All right. Uh, next question Um, should I explain before I, before ghosting them? My therapist said I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship with anyone I don't, or anyone I don't know very well, after having had a stalker recently. Uh, there are some really nice guys I've been talking to, but the timing is off. Should I explain or just block them or give them the option of starting as friends? 

08:48 - Matt (Host)
Why don't you take this one, Bree? 

08:49 - Bre (Host)
Oh, I have a lot of thoughts. It's a two part question, for for my answer, I guess it's a two part answer. Yeah, uh, ghosting, like how? What is the relationship you have? If it's someone you went on one date with, you owe them nothing. It is a stranger. If it's someone you've been dating for three months, six months, the relationship might deserve or warrant more of a conversation. If it's a stranger, you owe them nothing. 

09:18
The second part is I'm hearing her allude to that her process is trying to just make other people happy and in doing that she'll actually put herself in unsafe situations. So I understand what? Um? So in this situation, if this was my client, I would say, yes, you better ghost them, because I wouldn't trust that she would be able to go set a healthy boundary and then not be convinced when the other partner was like well, but why can't we, why can't we keep dating? Why? Um? So in this situation, I would say ghosting would be the best way to keep her safe. Um, and then we would continue to work on the issues, the dynamics that are causing her to not be able to have healthy boundaries, and eventually I would love to get her to a place where she could advocate have a healthy boundary, no matter what that other person is saying or doing, to kind of push back on it yeah, the other, the other thought I have that, as I was kind of thinking about this is they're already engaging with people. 

10:17 - Eddie (Host)
Like if they're not ready to be engaging with people, maybe stop engaging and that was the. 

10:24 - Bre (Host)
That was, I think. The question is her therapist is saying I shouldn't be engaging. So how do I get rid of these people? 

10:29 - Matt (Host)
do I just ghost them, or right, but yeah right, there's a part of learning by hanging out with friends too, you know. So if you're not actively dating, you can still go have fun with your girlfriends or guy friends or whatever, as long as you're friends. And like keep practicing and keeping social, because that loneliness will will kick up if you don't have at least some level of outlet. So while you're healing glad you're in therapy I think having a stalker is a really scary situation, especially for women, and so like making sure that you're still getting your relationship needs met through like other means, like your friends, like healthy means, and you know when you're ready, then you know start dating with intention yeah, that's a good thought. 

11:21 - Eddie (Host)
I like that. All right, we've got our last one, um, and I can explain. If you guys don't know what it is I do, um, my boyfriend won't spend time with me anymore. He's always watching one piece. He says it's because we've been together for a year already, and if you guys don't know what one piece is, it's like an anime show. 

11:46
So the boyfriend sounds like he's really into anime cartoons and that's apparently a big deal for people these days you take it well, um so after one year, the boyfriend is refusing to spend time with a girlfriend yeah, I think he's like captured the flag and now has no more interest in pursuing it anymore um, yeah, I would. 

12:12 - Matt (Host)
I would look at having a sit down, honest conversation with your, with your boyfriend, and basically saying like I'm not gonna sign up for, you know, a life with somebody that you know feels like they've already attained me, right, like, because a relationship is not just get somebody to commit to you and then you're done working on it. I would never want to be in that relationship. I want to continue to evolve with my person, um, till the till my last breath. So if they're not, if he's not willing to do that with you, you might have to think about some hard, hard decisions, some hard changes, and I wouldn't try to manipulate it into it either. Right, sometimes when we present that, like you know, the person will change for a month or a week or whatever. But you know, I would definitely look for what you want. Don't settle for less than what you deserve. 

13:09 - Eddie (Host)
Yeah, amen to that, Brady. Have any thoughts on this? 

13:12 - Bre (Host)
I love what Matt said. Yeah, I don't think I have anything different. It would be have a conversation. You have to directly speak your needs. So that's what Matt was alluding to, like let's go have a conversation with him. And then the other thing Matt said was if he can't meet your needs, you need to walk away. Sometimes people get stuck in trying to make that person meet their needs and then we get into a five-year-long relationship and we're wanting marriage and he's wanting one. You said one piece. 

13:42 - Eddie (Host)
One piece. Yeah, he's wanting anime. 

13:45 - Bre (Host)
So yeah, to summarize what Matt said, you have to be open and honest, have a conversation, speak your needs and then be willing to walk away if he can't. 

13:52 - Matt (Host)
And alluding back to our last podcast, we're willing to settle, sometimes because we fear being alone more than we fear the devil we're with. So, like, making sure you take a step back and be honest in your evaluation. You know of like what your relationship really looks like. 

14:11 - Eddie (Host)
Right, and I, with a lot of my clients too, I've found over the years that maybe more women than men experience this, but they get into a relationship with a guy and they think that they can change him. 

14:22 - Bre (Host)
Yeah, yeah, good luck with that. 

14:24 - Eddie (Host)
Look if you're seeing, if you're seeing these behaviors. Now I mean, he's kind of telling you who he is and then you have to ask a bigger question, like, is this the kind of relationship I really want to tolerate? To Matt's point. And then for the guy, like, good night man, like you have a woman who want, who desires to be with you and nobody else. What a compliment. You know I pay attention to that. Decide what you want to marry. Do you want to marry anime, cartoons or do you want to have a real person in real life to do real life with? So that's my two cents on it. But thank you, guys, for walking through these questions with me from girlsaskguyscom and hopefully we'll get some more of these out there for you. Thank you for tuning into the Voyage Cast. We know there's a lot of options of podcasts to choose and we appreciate that you've joined us on ours. Have a good day, Don't forget to like and subscribe and we'll see you next time.